it's gonna be one of those weeks.

so I went to my first funeral today.
I didn't cry as much as I thought I would.
It could be cause I hadn't seen Mrs.Stoltz for a couple of years since she died.
It was a celebration of her life, yet while we all sat and reminisced about the impact she's had on everyone, it was impossible not to cry.
I don't specifically remember any special moments that i've had with her, but I know that I did feel the impact of her life's work. She, although I was never as close to her as I have been with other teachers impacted me in the most round about way possible. Like i've learned from her program, everything is connected to everything else.
I guess this was the final goodbye to a wonderful teacher and most of all a wonderful person.

I regret so much.
I regret how I never spent more time with my great grandma.
Sure, the language barrier is one thing, but I wish I hadn't been so childish and bailed the moment I saw the chance. There were so many times where I could have just sat with her and kept her company. The times when she still vivdly remembered who I was. She's done so much for me and she took care of me with so much love as a child. Now, after all those lost years, she lays in her hospital bed so close to death. In so much pain yet so peaceful at the same time. She's not expected to survive the week, but I know that when she leaves, she'll be in a happier place.
Although she's started to forget all her loved ones due to Alzheimer's, she will never be forgotten by the ones who love her the most. A person only truly dies when the last memory of them leaves the earth.

Phillip. One of my life long friends. I've known him since forever and I've grown to love him like a little brother. Over the years, our families have grown close and over the years i've been able to feel the love from his grandparents. Although it was mostly his grandmother that I saw and spent time with, his grandpas was there as well. I never had the opportunity to get to know this man, but seeing as he raised such wonderful people, he must've been a heck of a great man. He was fine the last time I saw him. Happy as ever on New Year's Eve. Now, he lays on his deathbed surrounded by family and friends. It was so unexpected. The cancer had been there for a while, but they never knew it was in his brain too. There are to many tumors to remove and the bleeding has gotten to bad. They don't expect him to live past this week either. All I can do is pray for Phillip's family and hope for a miracle.

Last, but certainly not least. Olive. I miss her like no other. I can't believe it's already been a year since you had to leave. It seemed like just yesterday we were playing together outside and you were sneaking into my bed for warmth in the mornings. I miss everything about you. I remember when you first came into my home, you were so fragile from the surgery, but by some miracle, you found the strength to get up and walk to the kitchen to greet the rest of your new family. I don't know how it happened, but you found a way to grow on the whole family. You had a way to make everyone fall in love with you. I could tell you anything and I knew you would listen. I knew you never understood anything I said, but the fact that you would just sit there with me was better than anything. You've impacted the whole family more than you'll ever know. It hurts knowing that all the plans I made for us will never happen, like going to college with me and living with me when I got out, but I know you're in a better place now. As quickly as you came, you left. I would never take back adopting you though. It was set for you to be put to death the following day and although you only lived a year and a half than you were originally suppoesed to, it was worth it. I love you best friend.